Parenting A Child Vs. An Adult

As I have mentioned before, I have four sons. One of my sons is an adult. And for the past few months, it has been difficult to support them in a way I fully want to and need to but can’t. It is physically and emotionally impossible to fill all of their needs at the exact right time they need their needs met. If it were possible, I would move mountains and seas to make it happen. I am not the Omniscient, Omnipresent, Omnipotent God; Father in Heaven; All-Powerful One; and Savior. I am an imperfect person raising imperfect people with an imperfect husband. And yet…

And yet I am living my life the most perfect way that I can. My children are living their lives the most perfect way they can. And my husband is right along with us in the most perfect way that he can. There is no way to get around it. We cannot go backward in time to perfect what we have done. There is no way for us to know how our decision in larger matters than what toothpaste to use or which color to paint the closet walls. We make the best with what we have, and we always try to be better than we were the day before.

I have taught and am continuing to teach my sons to be decent humans beings that love, be kind, help, find joy, listen to others, stand up for themselves, and find worth and value in themselves. These guys are emotional, opinionated, and hard-headed. So they are living up to the teachings they have received. But in being those things, they have faced and continue to face obstacles, which, if we really think about it, that is what life is. Right? Teachings and Obstacles?

The experiences that I have had help to shape me, but they also serve as guides for my sons, husband, family, and friends. The situations that I learned lessons from serve as warning signs or way points for hasn’t yet faced or is facing the lessons that I have learned so that they do not end up hurt or so that they have a better experience. That is what the older generation does for the younger generation. And this is strange to think that I am the older generation now. But the people that I learned from gave me the knowledge to help others. This knowledge directly passes down to my children.

My family has been going through some difficult times recently and not in the way that can be helped by any physical means. School is starting for the younger ones, and the older one is in the beginning of his adult life struggling to find his place in the world. The uncertainty of what is going to happen next is weighing them down. It weighs most of us down to varying degrees. However, time doesn’t stand still.

I have had conversations with other parents over the years. Many of us would rather parent children (emotionally) than parent adults (emotionally). Children have foundational experiences and decisions. Adults already have a foundation that is most likely cracked somewhere making it weaker and more brittle than an undamaged one child-like one. It is simpler for me to redirect and teach my younger ones than my older one. My older one already has learned the “staying at home” lessons. He is now navigating territory that I don’t think I did right. So I don’t know the right answer for this lesson he is facing. I am learning right along with him.

The only thing I know to do in all situations great and small is to talk to God about it. When I talk to Him, I am letting him in on my life, I am letting go of the hurt and pain, and I am opening myself to His Love. If I could give only one lesson to my sons, small or tall, that would be to seek God out in everything. It really is true that He gives “peace that passes all understanding.”

Gotta go fill up my cup…..

Published by Coffee With Candee

I am married and I have four sons that are my whole world. I have a relationship with God through Jesus. Oh, and I have a blood cancer that has no known cure as of yet called Multiple Myeloma. Go Coffee!!!

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