Right now, I feel like the weight of so much responsibility is pushing me down through the basement floor into the very depths of the earth itself. I am talking about full on through the crust to the core kind of severity of pushing. It is so heavy that it’s hard to breath. I have a responsibility to my husband to keep our children safe and healthy. I have a duty to my parents and in-laws to keep their grandchildren nurtured and cared for. Most importantly, I have the honor of taking part in the rearing of my children given to me by God.
The weight that I feel comes from the thought, “Am I doing enough for them?” This thought runs through my head from sundown to sundown. It does not stop even for a moment. I find myself, even when resting, planning for life lessons to teach, games to play, and how to address the growing sense of “knowing it all” that comes with adolescence. And adding into the mix that there are three in the home interacting with each other that is sometimes good and sometimes not so good. The relationships between them are so complex. There seems to be not enough time to get everything done in a day or even a week for that matter. Protecting them and nurturing them are my top priority.
Now, if that is what is on my mind, I can’t begin to imagine the immense pressure of God with his many, many children here. Again, I only have three of them in the home. My oldest is out on his own doing oh so well might I add. When it was the four of them, it was pandemonium. Now it is still sheer pandemonium, but the three younger ones are more independent and self-willed. I could not begin to imagine tending to a school full of them. Or even a city full. A state full. A country full… You get the point. There are just too many variables to account for.
Currently, I have a son that is being bullied, a son that stands up against bullies, and a son that is so smart and has two older brothers that watch out for him among the many friends they all have. I do not tolerate any sort of hurt or harm that is done to my guys. Don’t get me wrong, they do not get away with stuff. They are still disciplined when need be. But when someone even acts like they are going to do harm to my guys, I get angry. And it really takes a lot for me to get angry under normal circumstances that don’t involve my guys. However, add my guys into it, and the wrath that comes out is unwavering and not remorseful. It is righteous anger that is unyielding. (cue the fire coming up behind me while the lights dim down in your imagination.)
Can you imagine yourself in that scenario? Can you imagine someone out to hurt the most important person(s) to you? What are the feelings that come up, if you can even put them into words? I struggled with finding the right definitions, and I still don’t think that I captured them as accurately as I wanted to.
We have a finite amount of power and knowledge. We can only be one place at a time. We cannot read minds. (As much as my husband would like for me to, I just can’t.) However, Our Father has INFINITE amounts of power, wisdom, authority, and presence. He can go above and beyond what we can by infinite amounts. He is watching over us with an even larger amount of protection and nurturing than I have for my children. It’s unimaginable to me that there could be more than what I have, but He has it.
My mind is filled with that this morning. That and the fact that God wrote it on our hearts (Holy Spirit) that we need saved. Every person, believer or not, has it inside of them that we, as humankind, needs saving. Look around. There are all these superhero stories and movies. In all of these scenarios, there is someone who can do what no one else can who comes to save the rest of the population from impending doom. Does that sound like someone to you?
This pattern that is written in the minds of every person is meant to remind us of God’s beautiful mercy and grace that He gives us constantly. He is refreshing His goodness to us all of the time. Over the years, the pattern God imprinted onto us has been usurped and perverted to turn our attention off of the One guiding us and providing for us to fulfilling our desires that are hurtful to us. The rush and thrill of skydiving is amazing, but without the safety of a proper parachute, we will most assuredly get hurt or even wind up dead just to meet our Maker in the Judgment room and be told, “That was dumb. I had so much more planned for you.” What kind of life is that? What sort of meaning and purpose does that cause?
The Father loves His children so much that He gave is only Begotten Son that whoever might believe in Him will have eternal life. Confessing with our mouths that Jesus (Yeshua) is Lord, and believing in our hearts that the Father raised Him up on the third day, we shall be saved. He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and iniquities. He is a help in times of trouble. He does what no one and no thing can. And that is something worth holding onto while letting go of the weight of the world which brings unneeded worry and stress. Let go of the weight.
Gotta go fill up my cup…..