The Lord’s Servant: The Exalted Sin-Bearer

The book of Isaiah has caught my attention in this season in my life. There has been a lot that has happened over the last couple of months. These events pushed my emotional and physical boundaries in ways I never thought could happen. However, my faith has only gotten stronger as each experience has been heaped upon me. It is nothing as bad as what I experienced when I began the road to the cancer diagnosis. That was truly devastating. But these recent experiences are not what I would call small matters.

Recently, during the short amount of time I did not have health insurance, I broke my arm. My husband had changed employers. That transition period caused our family to not have health insurance for a mere two months. It was during that time, getting ready for Christmas and all of the preparations and excitement put into creating a memorable experience for my guys, that the doggies were playing around me in the living room. One of them stood behind me while the other jumped up on me. I fell back tripping over the one doggie, and I instinctively placed my hand behind me in order to cushion the fall. That was when something snapped in my forearm.

As I stood there holding my arm, I am in shock and disbelief that this is happening at this point. The fireplace guy came to fix the fireplace a mere 10 minutes later. I don’t remember anything he said. My son was there to see what he was doing and how to fix the problem the next time. Just before leaving, he prayed for me. Then I called my husband, but he was working and could not answer his phone at that time. My dear friend, Carrie, which so happens to be the director of women’s education at our church, came over and took me to the hospital. It was on her birthday that she dropped her plans and took me to where she took her son for orthopedic care when he broke his hand. I was attended to by an excellent surgical team. This led to a very large medical bill.

Fast forward a month, I was headed back from an oncologist appointment, and my car broke down on the highway. I spent 3 hours on the side of the highway waiting for the tow truck to come pick up the car to be towed home. I will say that the fun part of that, after I cleaned out my car, is that I talked to my oldest son on the phone for an hour and a half. We caught up on our previous conversation about writing a book and other projects. That conversation kept me from diving into a pity pool of despair to be honest and transparent.

The very next day, my husband, who drives for a living, had to have the van towed home because the transmission went out. Immediately, crisis mode heightened. My husband was stunned and frustrated, which added to my mental list of fires to put out. I kept seeing more and more bills coming in and less and less income. It was turning out to be a rough beginning to the year.

During this time, my mother in law had surgery, and there were complications that led to her being intubated, more surgeries, and tubes everywhere. The first surgery was laproscopically done. That was to minimize scarring and allowed for more efficient healing. However, the incision inside began to leak. She developed some infection within the blood, which was immediately addressed by an antibiotic administered into an IV. The surgical team had to open up the abdomen to find out what is causing her not to heal correctly. There was some leaking at the incision site. So a couple of procedures later, she is finally beginning to heal. She has yet another procedure scheduled for today. Currently, she is still intubated, and with that some restraints placed just to keep her from accidentally pulling out her breathing tube, IV’s, catheter, or anything else. They were only placed for her safety. My husband visited yesterday, and he said that her eyebrows were moving. She opened her eyes. She tapped her stomach as if to say, “my stomach hurts.” She appeared to be coherent. However, her husband was there yesterday evening, and he said that she looked to be deteriorating. I hope to see her today when my sister in law and I go up to the hospital.

Also, my son’s principal called me last week concerning there being some tension between my son and another student. So we had to come up with a plan to keep them separated until this passes. And my sweet neighbor across the street died. Her husband had passed a couple of months before, which left her alone. My other sweet neighbor tended to her a lot. However, when she went into the hospital for some heart issues, her daughter from Virginia came out to clean the house in preparation for her mother to come home on hospice. That, however, did not end up happening as she passed while in the hospital. And a fellow congregant and my friend passed away while in the hospital because her kidneys and heart finally gave out. She was such a loved member of the congregation. She sat in the same spot with her husband every Sunday. Her husband is still jolly and kind. He understands that she is no longer in pain and she is at rest.

Like I said, it is not as bad as the road to the cancer diagnosis, but it is still pretty rough. It feels like I am at the valley part of life. And in the valley I look to Jesus – the Lord’s Servant: the Sin-Bearer. He experienced so much, however, He stayed on task with His ultimate mission – to take on our sin so that our relationship with God would be repaired. All of these broken experiences will be used for our good and God’s glory.

"He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief, and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed." - Isaiah 53:3-5

I bring this up to highlight the wisdom, encouragement and hope. The Bible helps me to set my heart on God as opposed to the pity and discouragement. For the next couple of weeks, I want to center myself on the book of Isaiah. To see the way that Jesus is fleshed out hundreds of years before He came in the form of a baby in a manger. That baby grew up to take on our debt, and He endured much pain and rejection. So much so that He ended up being crucified on the cross. He didn’t do anything wrong. Yet, he went through so much for our good. So I think that in a very small sense, the things that I am going through is for not only my good, but for the good of others that I may not even recognize now. That is a hope that I can hold on to: be a servant of the Lord.

Gotta go fill up my cup…..


Published by Coffee With Candee

I am married and I have four sons that are my whole world. I have a relationship with God through Jesus. Oh, and I have a blood cancer that has no known cure as of yet called Multiple Myeloma. Go Coffee!!!

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